Science Confirms, Once And For All: The Chicken Came First

We’ll get back to Googles and stuff in a few minutes – this is way, way, way more important. Doubtlessly you’ve wasted no less than several nights of your life, lying awake, debating in your head whether or not the chicken came first. Chickens come from eggs, though. Can’t have a chicken without one. But where the hell did the egg come from? Let’s be honest – this obsession is ruining your marriage. It’s ruining your marriage and you need to end this once and for all. But wait! Put the gun back in the drawer. There’s a better way: the question has been answered! It’s true – British researchers have done a Science and discovered, conclusively, that the chicken came first. “It had long been suspected that the egg came first,” said Dr. Colin Freeman of Sheffield University, “but now we have the scientific proof that shows that in fact the chicken came first.” The secret lies in a protein known as ovocledidin-17, which is manufactured exclusively in the ovaries of chickens, and is integral to an egg’s shell formation. OC-17 coverts calcium carbonate into calcite crystals, which, in turn, form the egg shell. No chicken, no OC-17. No OC-17, no egg shell. No egg shell, no egg. At least, technically, no chicken egg. The finding came about when the researchers were able to zoom in on egg formation with the aid of HECToR, a super computer in Edinburgh. Today, a great Science has been done – one of the world’s greatest mysteries, forever solved by intrepid men made of hero and legend. We salute you. Next up: if a tree falls in the woods and nobody’s around to hear it, does it make a sound? Basic physics says yes. Schrodinger’s Cat says no. The battle rages on.